


Flicker and Fade

by auravere



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: 'oh' in italics but not in the good way, Angst, Angst without a happy ending, Break Up, M/M, Rated M for Discussion of Sex, seriously this is just sad i'm sorry i wrote it
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-31
Updated: 2021-01-31
Packaged: 2021-03-18 05:01:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,703
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29112708
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/auravere/pseuds/auravere
Summary: Not everything that’s beautiful is built to last. Sometimes, knowing when to let go is the hardest part.
Relationships: Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi
Comments: 11
Kudos: 21





	Flicker and Fade

_“Hey, Daichi?”_

_“Yeah, Suga?”_

_“Do you think if our great great great grandparents could see us right now they’d be proud of us?”_

_“Yeah, I think so.”_

_“Hmm. But don’t you think they’d be homophobic assholes?”_

_“Suga!”_

_“What? It’s true…”_

_“I think they would want us to be happy. We just won Nationals, I’m sitting here looking up at the stars with the most beautiful boy in the world, and I couldn’t think of anything that would make me happier than being here with you.”_

* * *

“Hey, Daichi?” Suga calls as he frowns down at the dishes in the sink.

“Hmm?” Daichi replies from the couch, somewhat distractedly.

“Can you _please_ come in here and clean up your dishes from lunch?” Daichi has been on night shifts for the past week and Suga is getting tired of coming home from work every day and having to deal with a mess in the kitchen.

“Oh yeah, I’ll clean them before I leave.” He responds.

“Daichi…” Suga tries to keep the whine out of his voice.

“What, Suga? I’m kind of busy right now.”

Suga would really prefer if Daichi took care of the dishes _now_ so that he can get started on dinner. Why is that so hard to understand? He wants to argue. He wants to ask Daichi why it seems like he’s sitting at home all day doing nothing and then is somehow too busy whenever Suga gets home from work. In fact, he wants to yell at Daichi for something and he isn’t even sure what for.

But he doesn’t. He’s too tired and he knows it would take more energy to sort out all those feelings than it would to just clean the damn dishes himself and start on dinner. So that’s exactly what he does.

There’s a nagging feeling that he _should_ want to fight. He _should_ want to argue and get all those feelings on the table. He remembers once being told that arguments are a sign of a healthy relationship because it means both partners are willing to put in the work required to fix things. So, what does it mean for them that Suga doesn’t want to fight?

Suga shakes his head to himself. He doesn’t want to think about it right now.

When Daichi finally makes it into the kitchen, Suga has already finished cleaning and is half-way through making his curry (extra spicy since Daichi already ate).

“Oh, did you clean them for me?”

“Yeah, I needed to start on dinner.” Suga replies, trying and failing to keep the irritation out of his voice. Daichi doesn’t seem to notice.

“Thanks, babe.” Daichi gives Suga a quick peck on the cheek and turns to leave.

Suga wants Daichi to apologize for making him take care of his dishes. He wants Daichi to even just notice that he’s upset. The words are on the tip of his tongue, but Daichi is out the door and Suga doesn’t stop him.

* * *

_“Can anybody find meeeeeeeee, somebody to loooovvveeeeee?”_

_“Wow Suga, I didn’t realize it was possible for someone as beautiful as you to have a singing voice that more closely resembles a dying seal than Freddie Mercury.”_

_“Hey, I’ve had a few drinks, cut me some slack! Plus, it’s karaoke, sounding awful is half the fun!”_

_“Yeah fun for you maybe, less fun for my ears!”_

_“C’mon Dai, you’re up next! Maybe you’ll be more into it if we sing a duet.”_

_“You’re just saying that because you want to keep singing.”_

_“Maybe so.”_

_“Okay, fine. We’ll sing a duet, but I get to pick the song.”_

_“Ooh okay, what’s it gonna be then?”_

_“You promise not to laugh at me?”_

_“Yes, of course!"_

_“Don’t go breaking my heart.”_

* * *

“I’m blue da ba dee da ba da-ee da ba dee da ba da-ee da be dee da ba da-ee.” Suga’s off-key singing of perhaps the most annoying song ever created permeates through the apartment and directly into Daichi’s skull while he tries to read.

“Koushi…” Daichi calls out. He had a stressful day at work and the singing is grating on his last nerve.

“Hmm?” Suga responds, appearing at the entrance to the room.

“Can you…” He gestures vaguely. “With the singing please?”

“Oh, I thought you loved my beautiful singing voice.” Suga teases. “Yo listen up! Here’s a story, about a little guy who lives in a blue world!” He picks up where he left off, this time increasing the volume and purposefully botching the song.

“Koushi!” Daichi snaps. He really can’t handle this today.

Hurt flickers briefly across Suga’s expression before he huffs out a breath.

“Okay fine, sorry to bother you, I guess.” Suga turns on his heels and retreats back to the living room. 

Daichi is overcome with conflicting emotions. Of course, he feels some regret for hurting Suga’s feelings, but perhaps more concerningly, he mostly feels relief that the singing has stopped, and he can finally read in peace.

It’s been happening a lot recently, where Suga does something that he used to find endearing or cute, but he now only feels annoyed or irritated at. Perhaps he’s in denial, but he’s been telling himself that they’re simply both busy, and it’s making them tired and more easily frustrated. He’s certain they just need to take a break from work, spend some time together, and everything will be fine.

It doesn’t change the nagging feeling that things are irreparably different between them.

* * *

“ _Suga, stop! We’re in a public place, you can’t just grope me like this!”_

_“Shh, Daichi! There’s barely anyone on the train, and they wouldn’t notice if you’d stop yelling. Besides, how am I supposed to resist grabbing your ass when you’re wearing pants like these? It should be criminal. Someone call the fire department.”_

_“Stop wiggling your eyebrows like that. You wouldn’t call the fire department for a criminal offense.”_

_“Hey! I’m trying to seduce you, stop resisting.”_

_“Now you’re just being creepy Suga.”_

_“Okay fine. How about instead, I tell you what I’m gonna do to you the minute we get home?”_

_“O-oh. Yeah, okay.”_

_“Well first of all, you probably won’t even be able to get the door closed before I’ve got you pressed against the wall.”_

_“…Is that so?”_

_“Yeah, and then I’m gonna get down on my knees and wrap my pretty lips around that pretty cock of yours.”_

_“…”_

_“And then, when your knees are too weak for you to stand, I’ll carry you to the bedroom and fuck you into oblivion. Oh, did I forget to mention? I’m topping tonight.”_

_“Fuck, Koushi.”_

* * *

“How many more lesson plans do you have to finish?” Daichi asks as he slips into bed. Suga has been busy working before bed for the past few nights.

“Just a few, I should finish tonight.” Suga replies without lifting his eyes from his laptop.

“Oh, really?” Daichi asks suggestively. “Well how would you feel about celebrating that by finishing something else tonight?” It’s an exceptionally bad invitation for sex and Daichi fully expects to be made fun of for it.

“Sorry Dai, I’m pretty tired tonight.” Suga replies to Daichi’s surprise.

“I can do all the work if you want. You can just lie there and look pretty.” Again, Daichi is expecting at least a chuckle, but he only gets a no in response.

“Maybe another night.”

Daichi tries to hold in his sigh. They haven’t been having much sex lately, but it’s as much his own fault as it is Suga’s. They’ve both been extremely efficient at finding excuses where they once wouldn’t have existed. They’re too tired, or they don’t have enough time, or they just aren’t in the mood. _Flavor of the week,_ Daichi supposes.

So instead of enjoying his boyfriend’s beautiful body, Daichi lies in bed thinking about how things used to be. He can’t imagine either of them turning down sex when they first started dating, but now that he thinks about it, things have definitely been different recently.

Yes, now that he considers it, the distance he’s been feeling between them is definitely more than just an effect of their busy schedules. There’s been something missing for weeks now. But surely it can be fixed, right? Daichi’s heart aches when he thinks back to how things used to be, the excitement and the magic he felt when they started dating. 

At the time, it had felt like nothing in the world could stop them. Daichi remembers thinking that he was certain he’d found the man he wanted to spend the rest of his life with. How is it possible for a feeling that strong to just… slip away?

Daichi is still staring at the ceiling thirty minutes later, too many thoughts racing through his head to sleep when Suga finally turns his light out and rests his head on Daichi’s chest. He feels tears prick at his eyes as he imagines falling asleep without Suga’s comforting weight next to him. What would his life even be like without his best friend by his side?

In that moment, he resolves to make things work, to find that spark again. They’ve been planning a trip to an onsen for Suga’s time off in the winter and maybe that’s exactly what they’ve both been needing: a little time off, just the two of them on a romantic getaway. Yes, he will make this work because he doesn’t know what he’ll do if he can’t.

* * *

_“Okay Suga, we have to decide between doing Tokyo Tower or taking the water bus to Odaiba.”_

_“What? Why?”_

_“Well, we’re already at our budget limit for this trip because someone insisted on staying at a love hotel when we could literally have sex at an actual hotel!”_

_“You won’t be complaining when we’re making use of the full jacuzzi tonight.”_

_“Suga…”_

_“Okay fine. Let’s do neither!"_

_“What?”_

_“Yeah! Let’s just wander around Tokyo until we’re completely lost and stumble upon a gateway to a fantasy world or something. That’s how those kinds of things work right?”_

_“Uhh, I don’t think so.”_

_“I just want to spend time with you, Daichi. I don’t care what we’re doing as long as I’m with you.”_

* * *

The trip to the onsen was fine. Suga definitely enjoyed the hot springs and he thinks Daichi did too. But when they get back to their apartment and start to unpack, he can’t help but feel like it wasn’t the relationship-saving trip they needed. There’s still distance, the spark is still gone, and he’s left wondering what he’s supposed to say to the man he always thought he would marry.

Is there still a way to fix things? Suga knows he doesn’t want to lose his best friend. He can’t imagine trying to restart his life without Daichi’s constant presence. But things just aren’t the same as when they started dating, and he can’t keep pretending that they are. It will only hurt them both more in the long run.

A week after they get back from their trip, a week spent consumed by thoughts of their relationship, Suga is finally starting to come to terms with the fact that there might not be a fix at all.

He’s considering all of this while sitting on the couch with a cup of tea when Daichi enters the living room and joins him. They both sit quietly for a few moments as Suga imagines the thoughts running through Daichi’s head. He doesn’t have to imagine for long though.

“Suga,” Daichi starts. “I’ve been thinking about some things lately, and I thought maybe we should talk about it together.”

Suga’s heart jumps into his throat. _Oh, this is happening now._ He can feel his fight or flight responses kicking into overdrive. His instincts are telling him to fight. They can work this out, they _have_ to work things out.

But one look at Daichi tells him that he’s calm and resigned, and suddenly Suga feels calmer as well. He knows this is the right decision for both of them.

“Yeah, I’ve been thinking about some things too.”

* * *

_“Daichi, I’ve been thinking about some things lately, and I thought I should tell you.”_

_“Sure, what’s on your mind?”_

_“You, mostly.”_

_“Oh… What about me?”_

_“Umm. Dammit, I just have to say it, don’t I? Daichi, I like you. As more than just a best friend and a captain and everything that you already are to me. I want you to be my… my boyfriend.”_

_“Oh my god.”_

_“What?! Do I have something in my teeth? Oh god.”_

_“No, no, no! It’s just, I can’t believe this is happening. I like you too, Suga. As way more than a friend. Actually, I think I might be in love with you.”_

_“Oh. Thank god, because I think I might be in love with you too.”_

* * *

“I’m sure you’ve noticed that we’ve been a bit… distant lately.” Daichi begins. It’s a feeler. He’s trying to gauge where Suga is on the topic, because they haven’t exactly been having a lot of heart-to-hearts lately.

“Yeah, I’ve noticed.” Suga responds after some hesitation. _Good_ , Daichi thinks, _this will make things easier, if there can be anything easy about this._

“Sometimes, it feels like the spark we used to have isn’t really there anymore? I’m just not sure we’re…” He trails off. Dammit, he’s just going to have to say it isn’t he? “I’m not really sure we’re compatible anymore. Maybe we’re just not meant to be.”

“Right.” Suga’s voice catches in his throat, and although he still hasn’t made eye contact, Daichi knows that he’s started crying.

“Oh, Koushi,” Daichi’s heart is screaming at him to take it all back. He wants nothing more than to hold his best friend and tell him everything will be alright. But he knows it would be a lie. They can’t keep on going like this. “I’m sorry.” He says lamely.

“No, no, you’re right Dai.” Suga chokes out, and then he takes a deep breath. When he continues, he’s much more composed, and their eyes finally meet. Daichi can feel his heart break.

“I think if we were meant to be, we’d both be trying a lot harder to make things work.” It hurts to hear, but Daichi knows that what Suga is saying is true. Suga heaves out another deep breath. “So, is this it then?”

“Yeah, I think this is it.”

Daichi is surprised to find that something he took years to build can end with so few words.

* * *

A few weeks later, Daichi stops by to pick up the last of his stuff from their – from _Suga’s_ – apartment. There’s not much left, just some old t-shirts he’s certain he hasn’t worn since high school. He’s packing the last few into a box when he comes across his black Karasuno Volleyball Club jacket.

He’s overcome with a rush of memories from high school, and he can feel tears well up in his eyes when he realizes that Suga is an important feature in every single one of them.

“Do you think there’s anything we could have done to save it?” Suga asks, and Daichi turns to see him standing just inside the bedroom, arms crossed as he looks at the jacket in Daichi’s hands.

Daichi considers it for a moment. When faced with the happy memories of their high school years, it certainly feels like they should have tried harder. But now that he’s had some time away from the relationship, he’s starting to realize that they did make the right choice after all.

“No, I don’t think so.”

“Yeah, you’re probably right.” Suga responds, and Daichi is able to believe that they’re on the same page about this.

“There is one thing I wanted to say, though,” Suga continues. “I just thought you should know that, even if it didn’t work out for us, you were the best four years I ever could have asked for.”

Daichi folds the jacket he’s still holding and places it gently in the box before standing and walking towards the door. He places a single chaste kiss on Suga’s cheek.

“If I could do it all again, I wouldn’t change a thing. I promise, Koushi.”

**Author's Note:**

> If you read this, you're a trooper and I love you. Go read something fluffy now.
> 
> Side note: I strongly head canon that Daichi would become a firefighter so that's what that business about Suga wanting to call the fire department was about.
> 
> Big thank you to [bo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/birdsboat) for beta reading this sadness for me!
> 
> Come hang out with me on twitter: [@auraveres](https://twitter.com/auraveres)!


End file.
